Musings on Eros
Where do you welcome her?
Where do you shut her out?
As I learn to listen and observe more closely,
With less judgment,
I find her to be present far more often than I would have once thought.
Constantly urging “look here, explore this, create this, try that.”
Then there are those little voices, I don’t even know whose they are anymore,
Less prevalent, but still present,
“That’s wrong, that won’t work, they won’t like you, you’ll make them uncomfortable, that doesn’t make sense, you’ll get in trouble, that’s uncomfortable, she’s a woman, you’re in a relationship, don’t go there....”
Little manifestations of creative resistance
When I listen, they block my flow in more ways than one.
The more I get to know you based on my experience with an open mind and heart, rather than what I’ve been told about you,
I realise you’re creative essence.
I met Lalit in Thailand - he told me - “Just notice when it’s there and observe how you react”
And Penny brought another piece - “Your attractions can fuel your creative projects, they don’t have to be played out with the person who sparks them. They can fuel a journey within you.”
Non-judgmental self exploration of Eros -
A life more fulfilling if you ask me.
If you had put me in an outfit like this a few years ago I would have frozen,
This casting for the beautiful lingerie brand, Bordelle, was one of those moments where I got to see how I've matured over the last 5 years.
With this in mind, I send a prayer of gratitude to all of the teachers, workshops and people I’ve met along the journey of embodiment, that have supported me in learning how to heal trauma and develop a sense of embodied freedom and a new understanding of sexuality, creativity and love~
If you’re at the beginning or somewhere along the journey, this is a letter I would write to myself a few years ago:
Dear younger Amelia,
Your sexuality and emotional sensitivity are not burdens, they are not shameful, are not wrong in any way,
In fact, they are quite the opposite, they are indeed the keys to the intense aliveness and connection you desire to feel in your life on a daily basis.
Your fear, guilt and shame around expressing your emotions, your inner truth, your sexuality and your desires, is because of the norms that our society has become accustomed to through years of emotional, physical and sexual abuse, and the subtle and overt layers of wounding, that have been passed down through generations, communities, families and become a part of our modern Western culture over time.
No, it is not too much to ask for freedom from these ways, not at all.
But yes, the journey to unlearning and releasing the trauma held in your cells will be an uncomfortable one, that takes time, that unfolds piece by piece and layer by layer, over breaths, moments, days, weeks, months and years.
It is a lifelong journey and commitment to living free, aligned and embodied.
And the pay off is the experience of true connection, love and fulfillment and it’s worth every bit.
If you lose your way, come back to this simple guiding practice:
As often as possible ask yourself: How am I feeling in my body in this moment?
Put your hands on your body, breathe and feel what is the truth of your internal experience?
If you feel expansive, aligned and free - you’re probably in a situation that is bringing you closer towards the life you desire - use this energy as a compass towards your goals.
If you feel contracted or misaligned in some way, that’s okay, that’s perfect, here is an opportunity to grow, re-align and strengthen - Pause now (or later today if it isn’t possible now). Take a few breaths into your body and notice the quality of how your feeling. Like a friendly scientist. Feel - Where is the tension? Does it have a colour, a texture, a sound? Breathe with it. No more distractions. Give it your loving presence, Ask it what it needs, and then just listen. Listen with your heart, listen with your breath, listen with your whole being.
When you feel a shift in your energy, like a subtle completion, thank yourself for creating space. Say out loud anything you want to let go of and something you want to step towards now - for example - I release the story that my desires are wrong and I release any memories of this feeling AND I choose to listen to my needs and desires from now on. Finally - Are there any actions you can take to integrate this goal right now?
Take one step at a time. Watch your outer world change around you as you work on your inner world. Celebrate each step, large or small, and most importantly, enjoy the ride.
I love you.
If you are on a similar journey and are looking for support, check out my YouTube for free self-healing resources and my online course Body Magic, which is an introduction to 3 embodied self-care & meditation practices.
I also offer 1 to 1 coaching sessions online via Zoom which I can give you more information about if you send me an email.