A recent Interview with Par Femme on self-care, self-pleasure and my evolving relationship to sexuality.
Par Femme is an online platform created by women, for women.
Par Femme aims to encourage women to acknowledge themselves as sexual beings and explore the intriguing, complex and pleasurable aspects of themselves and their bodies- A goal that is very closely aligned with my own values and mission.
In light of this goal, I hope that sharing this intimate discussion can be received with an open mind and encourage other women to begin and/or continue their own journeys of personal discovery and empowerment through connection to their bodies and reclamation of themselves as powerful, sexual beings.
Pluck a clever, peripherally observant, and beautiful woman from the world. Literally any part of the world—far or near, rich or rare, physical or internet. A skyward follower count is not a determinant for selection. Ask her a set of questions that invite a discussion of sexuality, sensuality, modern feminism, career, and creativity, explored through her very personal lens. Have her answer them. And there you have it: that’s In Touch, a Par Femme segment, assembled, for you, with pleasure.
How do you spend your time?
I've been moving home every few months for the last five years—it feels like a lot my time goes into packing and repacking my suitcase (I'm getting much better, thanks to Marie Kondo), flying, and moving homes. My daily personal practice is essential for me and is usually the first thing I do in the morning. It's always changing but involves movement, breath, and tuning into my present mental/emotional/energetic landscape. My work has no consistent routine—modelling with agencies often means getting my schedule the night before and [having] scattered meetings throughout the day and city. If I do have work through my agents, it'll be castings, jobs, or creative shoots. I have periods when I'm busy every day and times I have nothing for weeks. It's been like this since I started six years ago. When I'm in my own routine, I make time for my daily practice, working out, cooking, learning, playtime with friends, and building my personal business.
How do you keep your mind stimulated?
Podcasts, books, interesting friends, interesting conversations, YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, in-person workshops (currently in the areas of erotic dance, tantra, conscious sexuality, and communication), acting, and other embodiment practices. I also learn a lot from my personal daily practice.
And your body?
My body needs a balance of masculine (working out—running, weights, HIIT, Pilates) and feminine movement (dance, yoga, stretching) most days. Self-pleasure. Time in nature (the ocean if possible!). Daily coffee or cacao tonics and a high-vibe diet (plant-based with lots of good fats and protein).
Particular humans aside, what are some things, tangible or intangible, you find sexy?
Things that open my pleasure sensors. Ripe, succulent fruits and flowers. Yummy, textured foods: sweet, spicy, creamy, crisp, like melting butter on crunchy toast. Feeling sweaty and strong working out. My body feeling juicy and open after dancing, self-pleasure, and good sex. Hot skin being consumed by cold ocean water. Dressing up for a lover. Magnetic, fiery, energetic chemistry. Prolonged desire, anticipation, foreplay. Embodied erotic dance—embodiment and the dancer's own pleasure are key here for me. Unembodied erotic dance isn’t a turn-on—it reminds me of the confused mainstream sexual norms in our society and the history of feminine sexual disempowerment.
Do you have a favourite sensual scene from a film or book?
I don't have a very good memory when it comes to films, even though I love them. What comes to mind is an old photo I have of a few lines from a book that I sent to an ex-boyfriend. I actually don't even remember what book it's from.
"The depths of love itself. Our breaths and bodies merged. I let go of everything into her, and she opened so wide we both disappeared Into love, Like a vortex of water opening into the ocean itself. "
How important is self-care to you? What’s your approach?
Massive! It really changes the quality of everything else I do. My approach is to start with my daily practice, tuning in, being aware of how I'm feeling and what I need, which is always changing. I need regular exercise and meditation, but the type of each is dependent on the day. I try to keep a balance between staying open and learning new things, but also staying confident in what I know and what feels true for me.
Are there any qualities or features about yourself—personality, emotional, physical, or otherwise—you once disliked that you now embrace?
Oh gosh, so many. My voice. I feared it felt uncertain and shy, and like it didn’t have enough strength to be heard. My sexuality, I felt confused about. I thought it came from whether other people thought I was sexy or not. I kind of wanted that, and it kind of scared me. Now it feels like deep power and connection to myself, my creativity, and my life force energy. My sensitivity used to feel like weakness. It’s feeling more like strength these days, to perceive beyond the surface, to have the capacity to feel things so intensely. My desire to feel everything fully used to feel exhausting and overwhelming. It still does sometimes, but even the overwhelm can feel rich with sensation and purpose/teaching. My desire to live with meaning and purpose and passion, even if it makes my path forward uncertain and elusive. This can still feel like a burden sometimes because I can’t just follow the status quo and do my job the normal way. It’s especially hard when I’m low on financial income, but my passion and trust that I am capable of building a meaningful, sustainable personal business [will] always win.
Most of my body: my hips, my thighs, my arms, my belly, my curves, as I have allowed my body to become softer by being less intensely rigid with my diet and exercise. It has been a tense, ongoing conversation with myself, as the modelling industry is often approached like an athletic sport. I often question if I can I justify allowing myself to be softer physically, if I'm competing for a position that requires me to look the ‘best', and society’s norm of 'best' [means] very skinny and toned (especially when I’m earning a living from this game!). Ultimately I trust that the mental, hormonal, energetic, and emotional factors majorly outweigh the fact that I have been working less. My period has come back, my hormones feel more regular. I have way more energy and [the] ability to be present through all the things I want to do. I also feel way more sexy than I ever did when I was more thin and bony. It's still hard, but I've chosen my place in it for now and I celebrate my decision. I want to be a healthy example for other women. It’s no secret how fashion and advertising culture have contributed to the epidemic of body image and eating disorders in our society, and I will not support the perpetuation of that with my own actions.
What do you appreciate most about your body?
My curves (not every day, but most days). My unanimous softness and strength. My eyes. My collar bones.
When do you feel most sexy?
When I feel alive and embodied. Dancing. Self-pleasuring. Doing sensual things with people who I have sexy energetic chemistry with (even if our relationship is non-sexual), like drinking spicy, sweet cacao naked in nature with my friend Leela.
What’s a good uniform for seduction?
Depends on my partner and mood! No clothes, or clothes but no underwear. Lacy lingerie. A silky slip dress. Sometimes just a comfy tee.
How important is sex to you? Why/why not?
Very important. Not just sex, but sexuality. Sexuality ties to sensuality, creativity, and expression. How much I’m able to be present and alive, moment-to-moment. How much of life I’m willing to take in. When I slow down, breathe, and am present in my body, simple things can become sensuous, rich experiences. Uncovering the orgasmic potential of simple things continues to amaze me! And when I'm having more orgasms, life is way more fun.
What’s your idea of pleasure?
Aliveness, openness, sensation, passion, freedom, play, rawness, realness, presence.
Who are some women you look up to?
There are many—I go through phases. The past few weeks it’s been my good friend, Claire.
Why do you look up to her?
So many reasons. Her seemingly constant ability to be in touch with her body and her needs, and her freedom in expressing that. Her intricate perception of life and passion for learning. Her skills in conscious communication, with both expressing herself and listening deeply. Her deep exploration of both pleasure and shadow. Her classic Aussie humor. I’m also very excited for a sensuous new project she is creating [called]
The Ambrosia Diaries. Check it out on Instagram.